A Tom Jones’ Reality-Check

I got myself by an obsession

It’s on another dimension

Don’t need a whole lot protection

‘Cause it gave me all I’ve been getting

It gave me life, hope, dreams, golds [for me, substitute “goals”]

“Give a Little Love” (Song by Tom Jones, Kara Dio Guardi, Iyiola Babtunde Babalola, and Darren Emilio Lew) 

I have to admit, my TJ life, hopes, dreams, and goals helped lift me out of my lonely existence.  My Tom Jones motivating mantras were working for me  (post “The Motivating Mantra of My Younger Years”).  I was beginning to branch out and build superficial social relationships by becoming a little more engaged with my fellow collegians while at school.  I even met a student who had the same type of passion and quest for a personal relationship with a superstar.   

TJ Looking at Tom's Boosters Fan Club Scroll

In her case, it was Neil Diamond.  We were both shocked that we discovered each other in an English Literature class.  And she invited me over to her home so we could share pictures and stories.  This was miraculous for me, because I rarely went anywhere.  We discussed the difference between fans and groupies in between studying; in our youthful wisdom we agreed that fans were permanent fixtures and groupies were gone in 60 seconds.   It also validated that I wasn’t as wacky and alone in my semi-secret, wild pursuit.  There were actually others like me… big sigh of relief.

In 1973, Jones performed at the Universal Amphitheatre (now called the Gibson Amphitheatre at Universal City Walk).  He was performing there for multiple days and my mother and sisters were going to attend the shows with me.  Although my mother and I still searched high and low for pants long enough to cover the skinny legs, I still had to sew them myself because of that darn 36-inch inseam.  I sewed my fingers off, all the while hoping that my long pants and skirts wouldn’t look like loving hands at home.

I had written and rewritten my script for Mr. G.  He was staying at the Hotel Bel Air, as usual.  No matter how many times I spoke to him over the phone, I always needed my prepared script to calm my nerves and ease the way into the most important human thing on my mind (versus the most important spiritual things I had on my mind, which, believe it or not, I did focus on religious, metaphysical, philosophical, and esoteric issues when not perseverating over TJ).  But the goal was always, WHEN AND WHERE AM I GOING TO MEET TOM JONES?  This time it was just the head of the fan club and me.  I tried to use my most adult, sophisticated voice, and Mr. G. was as friendly and upbeat as usual.  Bada-bing, bada-boom!  We had a date, a time, and a place.

Prior to Reality Check for Snow White

Knowing that I was going to get backstage put rose-colored glasses on all of the shows.  If I had been a critic, I would have had to recuse myself, because I was on a Tom Jones high.  Every show was fantastic.  Every song superb.  Even as I write, I can picture the stage, the star, and The Voice, with everything and everyone else fading in the background.  The only thing that slightly marred the experience was that Mother was frequently ill and missed the performances.  With me being me, I had no one to take her place.  How sad was that?  Still, no best friend to share my most important youthful moments with.  We always bought a ticket for Mommio, but it eventually turned out that my oldest sister began bringing her friends to take Mom’s place at our TJ concerts – they were game and appreciated the fun and mystery of how in the world this shy, skinny kid got into Tom Jonesville.

The fascinating thing about the Universal Amphitheatre in ‘73 was that there was no backstage.  Literally.  There was the stage, curtained side stages, an area behind the stage, and no real backstage.  Mr. G. hadn’t prepared me by telling me that he would put us into a car and we would be driven to see Tom.  He surely didn’t prepare me for a limousine ride to see him. 

It was quite exciting to show up at stage left, and then be escorted into a big ol’ limo! I must admit, with a lot of fans, groupies, and hangers-on lurking around looking for Tom, I felt a little like a starlet climbing into that long, black car with tinted windows.  It wasn’t the quintessentially 70s white limo that Jones was known to own with Gordon Mills and Engelbert Humperdink that carried the license plate “GET,” standing for Gordon, Engelbert, Tom.  It was my first and only ride in a limo, even though famous OC Housewives drive in limos to get their nails painted, and famous New Jersey Housewives rent limos to drive their preteens to birthday parties to get their nails and toes done.

We had no idea where we were going, and the drive seemed dark and longer than expected on the Universal property.  Suddenly, we were at the discreet destination.  It was a portable building; sort of like a mobile home without wheels.  The driver opened the limo door and escorted us up to the door.  The party had definitely started without us, as there was an open bar, and drinks were flowing.  It appeared that everyone in Jones’ entourage was there, including Mr. G., bodyguard Dave Perry, The Getter, as well as some key musicians, including Big Jim Sullivan.  It was a male-dominated group.

I was not surprised to be offered an alcoholic drink, because even though I was under-age, I didn’t look it.  However, I didn’t, and still don’t drink, so I asked for a Perrier with lime (hoping I would appear to be a sophisticate).  We sat at the bar with our drinks and tried to make small talk with the “cool people.”  I’m not so sure how “cool” I was, but I did my best to carry an air of coolness that wasn’t cold, and warmth that wasn’t overtly I’m-crazy-ga-ga-over-Tom-Jones giddy like I think I was the first time I met him.  And we waited… and waited… and while I told myself to never forget this moment, these people, this place, this time, Mr. Jones slipped into the room.

There he was.  No stage.  No microphone.  Just Jones.  And again, everything and everyone just faded away.  This time was a little different than the first.  I was a little more mature.  A little more composed.  I found myself on the couch with Tom.  That is part of his charm and his accessibility.  As much as I wanted to believe I was special, I know that we are all special to him.  Talent, drive, and charisma need people, a conjoined, supportive public.  But, I digress.  Perfect photo opportunity.  You learn when a photo is appropriate, and when one isn’t. 

After a little small talk – yes, I could finally participate in a little small talk with Tom Jones – I wanted to ask him a burning question.  With a big, silent gulp, I said, “You’ve called me Long Tall Sally, which I get.  But, you’ve called me Snow White a few times. (Another big, silent gulp.)  I’m kind of curious.  Where did Snow White come from?”

And sitting close to me, Tom Jones, with his arm around me, looked at me with his hazel eyes and said, in his deep, thick Welsh accent, “Because you make me feel like a dwarf, luv.” 

Oh, no.  His words hit so hard they knocked the wind out of me.  I couldn’t speak.  My heart jumped to my throat and then sank into my stomach.  I think I might have blushed bright red underneath my dark, summer tanned face.  For a moment, my heart started pounding and my hands started to feel numb and then tingle.  Oh no, oh no, oh no.  Panic attack coming on.    

"With Love, Tom Jones XXX"

Tom Jones, my Superstar hero, The Voice who comforted me, who gave me life, hope, dreams, and goals, told me he feels like a dwarf.  And his voice, The Voice, placed an emphasis on the word dwarf.  I will never forget the sound of that word spoken with his Welsh accent.  It made all of the birdies that chirp and dance around my head when I am with him dissipate into thin air.  It made the song “Someday My Prince Will Come” that dances around my brain when I see him come to a shrill, screeching halt.   

A Tom Jones reality check for Snow White on the sofa!  Grumpy, Bashful, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, and Doc might as well have carried me out on a stretcher.  All my youthful fears were again realized in that one moment by that one comment.  I instantly felt like that awkward, unattractive, tall, skinny girl I was working so hard to leave behind.  Is it be possible that I made the most self-confident, poised, and self-assured, sexy man I had ever met feel… uncomfortable?  The sensitive Amazon Anomaly was crushed, and in the beginning stage of a mega meltdown in the arm of an unsuspecting superstar.   

I think he must have realized that his comment caught me off-guard and left me utterly breathless.  Because, Tom Jones, being Tom Jones, a man who has a way with the ladies, leaned over, spoke in my ear, and said something that breathed fresh air into my deflated sense of self.  Something that made me feel like I wasn’t the ghastly Jolly Green Giant.  Something that made me feel attractive and special.  Something that allowed me to believe that I had value in singer Tom Jones’ eyes.  At twenty-years-old, it was that something for which I had been searching.  Yes, the object of my affection, the object of my transformation, leaned over and said… oh no, hold on.  I’ve got to save something between me… and the singer who saved me.